Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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