i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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