She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
