..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
