hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
