What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
