perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
