ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
