i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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