I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
