Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
