White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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