And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
