I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
