New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
