So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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