I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
