It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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