I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So many bounce houses so little time
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
