I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
