Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
