I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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