When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
