Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
