do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
