I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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