New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We smell like vodka and hangover
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