this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS