i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.