You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
