do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
