she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just crazy horny about you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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