guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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