If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
