You're earring is so big in my mouth
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
