If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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