I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
