I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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