Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
