I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
