im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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