piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
