I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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