so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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