I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
