There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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