i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
