Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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