You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
