I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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