Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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