Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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