Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
