maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
