I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
