tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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