just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Fuck appropriateness.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
