had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
