It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
