Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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