She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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