You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
