True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
