Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
