I wanna passion pit in your ass
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
