i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Soap is not a condiment
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
