i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
